Fuck Feelings

Not all feelings, mind you. I’m down for anger. And indifference. And happiness.

What I’m not down for is the L word. Love. It’s worse than meth, I tell you. It takes over peoples’ minds, their lives, their emotions go on a rollercoaster, they experience withdrawals when that certain someone isn’t around for the tiniest period of time…just say no!

Let me clarify, though. Family love is fine. Friend love is fine. Head-over-heels, this person completes me, can’t live without you kind of love…not fine. Been there, done that, don’t want it again.

I like worrying only about myself and my dogs. I like essentially being in a multi-way relationship with my friends. That’s all I need to fulfill my relationship and social needs.
There’s a whole affectionate level that comes with full blown relationships and commitment that really scares the shit out of me.

Those that fall in love, get married, and stay married for decades…a million kudos to you.

Once upon a time, back in the day, I had a relationship. A hardcore relationship that lasted about five years. It was such a hassle. I honestly cannot picture how it would be if I was still in it. The constant communication even when I just needed to be alone, the overly constant affection, the routine sex that happened too often because HE believed that a “healthy sex life” was just such a huge component to a good relationship…

I’m definitely on guard. I’ll admit that. Even bringing new friends into my life is a long process if anyone actually gets to that point. I had a once close friend go on a huge spiel about what it takes to get past my personal security. There’s mazes, vaults, and fake dollars. It was a intricate piece. But even with all of that, I’m happy with the people that I have let into my life. And that’s all that matters.

I’ve had a couple short and random flings (can’t even call them relationships right now) since the big boyfriend. But something was just off about them. I don’t think you are supposed to feel the L word within the first month or two of being with someone. That’s just not normal. Note that it wasn’t me that was bringing up such strong statements.
Scientists have even said…if you meet someone and fireworks go off…run. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

Out of the eight billion odd people that are in the world, there’s going to be some people that find their lifelong companion early on. Good for them. But that is such a small percentage that those happy endings have turned into nothing but fairytales.
For me, and a lot of others, anything before 27 (and even that’s iffy) is too young for lifelong commitments and marriage.

Why can’t people just be happy with friends? Take the time to better yourself and do all the things you want to do before someone tries to chain you down.
My dogs are my kids. I have a close friend that is considered ‘the hubby.’ And I have given the nickname ‘Husband #3’ to another good friend.

I think it’s when people start saying that they’re looking for someone to ‘complete them.’ I’m sorry, what? You can’t be a complete person by yourself? You have to rely on someone else for that? What if it doesn’t work out? You just crumble back down to half a person? Quarter of a person? Third? Fifth? Fraction? That’s not healthy. The way it’s supposed to be, is two whole persons together. Why would you want only half a person anyways?

And this is why I must say that my friends and I make the best multi-way couple/group/cult as could possibly be. Everyone is completely their own person.

I don’t know. Maybe the L word is just far too heavy for me. There’s so much baggage that comes with it. I’m not one to pack lightly to begin with, but I sure as hell don’t want anyone else adding on.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.


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